dit school reopens. kidda okay. but i keep on sleeping in class lah. sian zi pua. sorry cant help it lah. too tired and class very boring. i wonder whats the reason. i can actually sleep in school but i cant sleep at home. weird hur. wells, contented with my level in maple now; although i still want it higher. i think i can some sort of quit it now? i almost break down yesterday. but i held back my tears... stressed? not sure too. studies, family, tests and blahs. everyday only know how to shout and scream and scold me vulgar languages. cmon just shut up lah. you don't have the rights to scold me, asshole. ren[3] yi[4] shi[2] feng[1] ping[2] lang[4] jing[4], tui[4] yi[2] bu[4] hai[3] kuo[4] tian[1] kong[1]. i'll just tolerate with you. sometimes being ignorant is good than knowing the truth which will make you hurt in the end - i want to see no evil; hear no evil and speak no evil. i'll just pretend that im deaf and i can't even hear a single shit. yes i know i cant do anything to you. so whatever you want to do on me, just do it. i just don't even give a damn. im not going to become a robot again. neither a zombie too. im adamant as i've promised not to do what i should not do for you. i shan't break the promise i've made to myself as i've vowed. it does not worth it! i know its a good process for me to learn how to stand up and walk again when i fall down. i know i just cant stand it anymore lahs. maybe i should sit on it? and im not your puppet. thanks a lot. looks are deceiving - yes i agree. please don't pretend to look like innocent flowers on the surface and be like serpents beneath. but i shall tolerate. about 547 days i'll leave and you'll leave. automatically. the memories etched will be diminished and disappear into the ends of the world. your promises are all plainly white lies and have turned into dust. yes good white lies. all fake. yes and im awaiting for that day to arrive. and i know that i will grow new wings on that fine day as there will be more things for me to do then staying in this position not knowing what to do - blur; hurt; confused. i loathe all of this. if you can; if i can, pls get out; and i hope i can get out too. cant everyone just take a step back and give everyone a chance? is that really really so darn difficult to do? okays. off to tuition lerhs. sianz.