darn. was playing audition till halfway then d/c. my scores disappear. darn.

these few days i've been in rapt; a lot. been thinking whether should i stop 'being a clown'. feeling happy outside; but not inside. really tired. felt really weird. felt no sense of belonging. felt messy. my vision is getting more and more blur; more and more invisible. somehow the light infront of me have stopped halfway. not really sure whether those words are true. i treat it as nothing to me. hope those words aren't true. if not i'll be totally shattered. i always treat attending choir as the perfect solitude place for me to 'lay down' all my worries and anxiety. but it is not so now. singing is still my passion. but somehow.. somewhat; something have changed. somehow, i've beginning to start hating myself all over again. felt that im such a useless person, a total hindrance to everyone. i guess this whole world cannot hold me back anymore. i shall tolerate. maybe one day when i cannot tolerate anymore, that will the last day of mine.

read a chinese storybook introduced by yongqing. its a really touching storybook with different types of love stories- true love stories experienced by people. i shed tears. really touching. reading books to 'waste' time is probably a good idea too. school extra lessons are boring. im always on the verge of sleeping. permudation and combination is a shake head to me. big big big big question mark. tsubasa- reservoir chronicles; is so nice. :]


wells; off to iron my uniform and watch the 'bra' show. xD